Tenth workshop and loving yourself

in

There has been a very big news recently from my home country China that a young girl in the country’s best university committed suicide because of her abusive boyfriend, who is her schoolmate. The boy lamented the fact that she is no longer a virgin, and therefore asked her to get pregnant with his child and then abort it, as both a punishment and a demonstration of her love. It really made my heart sank, as I am sure many many girls have felt the same way and was there for her. As a girl growing up, especially raised by traditional Asian parents who are usually very strict and critical, it is easy to have doubt in yourself and not believe you deserve the best. Growing up in such an environment, girls always have a tendency to please other people and over compromise themselves to fulfill other people’s requests, and would be afraid that rejecting such requests would mean they would lose love and respect from others. It is this kind of thinking that negatively affects girls’ approach towards dating, as their willingness to over compromise prevented them from leaving their abusive boyfriends.

Being single and actively dating, I also sometimes find myself in the trap of being afraid of saying no, and would always terribly regret me not being sincere and genuine to myself and do what I actually want to do - especially after I said yes to a second date with a person I have no chemistry with, or go home with someone when I am not ready. I do tend to find myself being stronger as years go by, and would always remind myself to always reject whatever I do not like to do- something that seems easy to many people but hard for me sometimes. I did had a few moments of feeling free and independent, once after I had a very frank conversation with my ex and broke up with him, and I consequently had the best year of my life so far just by dating myself, exploring New York, visiting museums, going to shows, etc. Most recently, I also said no to a museum date in MoMa and had a great time going with my friend instead. Loving yourself - seems easy but is sometimes very hard. It means stop needing love from the outside and give love to yourself from within. It means it is ok that to not get love from everybody in the society, because at the end of the day, you will always be there for your own support. It means defending yourself in front of something you do not want for yourself, and care less about what other people think.

Anyways, a very heavy topic for an otherwise thrilling class of dancing!

Today we did many difficult dance moves, including coupé, grand battement, fondu, soussus.

Read More

Ninth workshop and post-holiday routine

in

So it turns out I spent a little bit too much money during holidays (oops) and I now need to think of new ways to save money again. Therefore I plan to cook my own meals and cancel my gym membership. That would probably put my savings back on track!

However, meal prep is def more work than it seems - there are lots of planning and logistics going on! Like during nights when you plan to be productive with book reading/blog writing, you find out you run out of rice and have to make a trip to the supermarket. Or you realize you dont have time to go back home tomorrow to cook but you only have leftovers left for 2 more meals. And also after I finish making dinner, eat it, wash the dishes and do all the chores, I am so exhausted that I am no longer productive. Ughh!!

I find that it is mostly because I sit in my bed a lot of the time, and then the next thing I know is when I wake up in the morning… today I try to avoid my bed before bed time and sit in a chair. So far, it works and I am still writing this blog! Sometimes, all it takes is some determination and a change of environment.

So far for the weekly thoughts, now back to ballet!

On Monday, we did a lot of rond de jumbe, did some tendu, pique, and ended with an exercise of the second port de bras.

Read More

Eighth workshop and holiday rituals

in

So… its officially holiday season! What have you all been busy with?

I had a relaxing four day weekend cooking at home… making chicken soup, meatballs, steamed pork ribs, wonton, and matcha swiss rolls! Going back to cooking is surprisingly satisfying, since everything you cook is exactly what you want to eat, and you just get very happy after a big meal you made yourself. It’s a very different feeling from having to go with whatever is on the menu at a restaurant or whatever is available at the Citarella hot bar (which is what I’ve been eating for many months). Cooking makes you feel like you are actually taking care of yourself!

Unfortunately, cooking had never been my priority over the past few months, as I was always so crazed about getting so many things done - learn new things, go to dance classes, go to the gym, go to museums, meet friends, read books…that I rarely have time to slow down and actually relax. I kind of overburdened myself a little bit, trying to accomplish everything. The holiday season is a good time to slow down, and have the peace of mind to enjoy not doing anything. You know, living in a fast-paced and career-oriented city such as New York can make you lose sight of such a little but important thing , which is that sometimes, doing nothing is ok!

Today is also our seventh workshop ( I didnt get to post about our sixth workshop and class was canceled on Monday due to a snow storm). So I will write everything I learned in the two workshops in below. After a week and a half’s break from ballet, it is definitely awesome to be back to class, listening to live piano while stretching on the floor and also learn to connect with your body and emotions through moving and dancing (:

Read More